If DFM was a Midwestern county fair, I'd be the well-endowed, bedazzle-lovin' blondie that passed out all of the blue ribbons between pink lipstick re-applications and lemon-shake-ups. And in the category of 'Best Creature Art', I'd award Ms. Solovjova with the Grand Prize Winner.



Of course, I'd give her a hug to congratulate her and she'd choke on my AquaNet hairspray that was used ever-so-subtlety to create my peacock bangs.



I'd pretend she was getting 'choked up' because of what the award meant to her, and we'd share a heartfelt handshake and part ways; she, bolting to the parking lot and I, hitting up the corn dog stand for round two.



Tragically, however, DFM is not a Midwestern county fair. It's a blog, where none of such can happen.



Although I'll admit. I do love those corn dogs, man.